मुझे अपने भारत से प्यार करते हैं

Nothing could be more awkward than starting a blog post with an excuse, but I swear I've been writing - just not here. Having (it seems) just settled into life here, I've been trying to wrap my head around the reality of the end of my time at UoH, in (my God) a week. After my last exam next Friday, I'll be flying to Kerala to begin my nearly six week tour of India, the details of which I'm just now nailing down. Before then, I swear *hand on hypothetical bible* I'll upload my Pondicherry/Mammallapuram pictures and talk a little bit about that trip, in addition to uploading at least one more post I'm in the process of writing.

Anyways, the weirdness of nearly being at the end of my time here has been fortunately offset by my tremendous excitement for my upcoming travels as well as the summer to which I'll be returning afterwards. By some stroke of incredible fortune, I've managed to secure both senior thesis funding and a brilliant summer job, meaning I should be able to pay off my India loans by the end of the summer, for which I'm thanking my lucky stars. Beyond the relief of temporary freedom from financial concerns, I think it's going to be a fantastic summer of good work and good friends. All of this is making it easier to think about leaving in India in seven weeks. But really, it's knowing I'll come back that makes it okay.

So, given my limited internet access, I won't be writing a whole lot here in the next six weeks. However, I think it will take a summer's worth of reflection and turning-over before my time in India will actually come to an end, so I expect to be writing on the matter for some time. Some of that will likely appear here and a good deal, I think, will turn up in my private journal.

A friend warned me early on of writing too much early on and trying to make sense of everything too quickly. While writing is usually a big part of my sorting-out process, it was good advice in a way because it reminded me that I was here to experience and that it would take some time for those mental maps to come together. Now, all at once, I'm piling up observations upon observations and can't wait to get it all down on paper, thought out and mixed together. The other day at GOPs, I started jotting down notes on subjects I wanted to remember to write about. Moments later, I was staring at a two page Word document full of small notes, any one of which I could (and plan to) turn into pages with sufficient time and effort. There's a hell of a lot churning in my head and I plan to get it all out, one way or another. I started toying with the idea of a series of essays or, dare I say it, a book of sorts. I think I'll just start writing though, and write and write until it's worked out, without any preconceived notion of format or audience. Then, my frenetic brain satisfied, I'll decide what, if anything more, to do with it.

I've been thinking about what will come home with me from India and I keep coming up with 'everything.' It's so much more than some crafts, yoga, meditation and improved Hindi - it's every moment of every day that took me in and worked a change in me I can't yet put into words. I came here burned out, stumbling into the new year, not really understanding why I needed to come here, yet profoundly certain that it needed to happen and happen precisely then. What I found I can't yet describe - that's what the writing will be for. But I can tell so much has deeply, irreversibly changed in ways I sorely needed. And knowing it isn't over, that the changes are still working and moving me to something, someone more, I can't help but feel like I'm sneaking off with glorious treasure. I'll share what I find, one way or another.

And I know I'll come back. In a sense I'll never leave; there's no getting away from love after all.